Sthira (Steadiness) and Sukham (Sweetness): Improve leadership by balancing dualities

A few weeks ago, I came across a great article from Inc. about balancing the qualities of "hard" and "soft". The Inc. article talks about how executive leaders often struggle to balance these two qualities. It reminded me of the yoga sutra 2.46: Sthira sukham asanam, and I realized people could improve their leadership skills by balancing steadiness and sweetness. In fact, whether someone considers themselves a leader or not, every person can benefit from balancing sthira and sukham.

Sthira has many interpretations such as "strength", "strong", "structure", or "firmness". But, many agree on the word "steady". Steadiness can show up in many ways when in a leadership position. When a leader says they will follow-through on something, then actually does it, they will be known as reliable. If they keep demonstrating this trait, they will also be known for their predictability. If a leader keeps their head and makes good decision in the midst of a crisis, they will also be known as steadfast, reliable, and predictable.

Another way to be considered steadfast, though, is also how a leader treats their teams or subordinates. If a leader treats everyone the same, with positive regard and encouragement, they will be liked in addition to being considered steadfast. This is one aspect of steadiness that many leaders overlook. If they are constantly changing how they treat different teammates or subordinates, or if they treat people differently when the stock ticker for their company shows a positive or a negative, the people working for this leader will become mentally and emotionally exhausted from their unpredictability. Then, then leader will wonder why their people don't stay in their roles for very long, or transfer to other departments.

Sure, code-switching can be beneficial and necessary at times for a leader to influence their team for maximum performance. But, is that code-switching accompanied with treating someone differently? Maybe just in attitude or mindset? For example, maybe the leader feels resentment at having to code-switch with a certain employee to build a positive relationship with them. This attitude can result in micro-aggressions or other subtle behavior changes that an employee may pick up on. With employee retention efforts more important than ever, this behavior by leaders could be sabotaging the best efforts of a company's human resources team.

It can often be difficult for us to know whether we are treating others' differently or not. Receiving reliable and honest feedback from subordinates or managers is often difficult. The best way to learn about or blind spots in this regard, is self-awareness, which will be discussed more below.

Let's move on to the second word in the 2.46 sutra, sukham. The literal translation of most scholars is that it is the center of a wheel, or the axel. The word refers to when the axel of the wheel is carved and placed properly, there is a "sweet space" between the two parts of the wheel mechanism, allowing for the cart to be used in a comfortable and "sweet" way. The ride is easy for the cart driver, the animal hitched onto the cart, and ensures the items in the cart do not fall out. When the axel and wheel are not in alignment, the cart ride is not smooth, the cart might be angled and risk losing items, and the driver and animal suffer from the lumpy ride.

Therefore, sukham is really about alignment to find contentment or "sweetness". It's giving things enough space and taking care to align their purposes so that they work well together. Leaders can exhibit sukham when they support individual employees to be their most successful and productive with unique solutions that are relative to that employee. Obviously, blanket employee policies are needed. However, a leader embodying sukham can see when an individual is struggling, and work on a plan to help that person be successful in a way that the employee feels invested in the plan. Sukham also shows up in relationship-building. When a leader takes a sincere and active interest in their individual subordinates, their requests of those subordinates are much more likely to be received well and acted upon quickly.

Just the other day, a workman I've been using for my airbnb and I talked for the first time in a few days. The first thing he asked me was "How is your dog?". He remembered that my elderly dog is showing signs of getting closer to her end-of-life. I was so addled with things in my mind, I forgot to ask him why his wife already left for Alaska. It's because his grandson was born early! I made a mental note to slow down so I could remember these personal situations better. I felt acknowledged by this worker, and yet I wonder if he felt acknowledged by me.

Sukham can also show up as space to think, space to decide, or space for more information. In other words, patience. Sometimes, it's important to act when the timing is right, even though not all the information is available. This is sthira. Waiting for more information when things don't seem right, is sukham. When a system doesn't go right the first time it's implemented, sukham is the ability to examine the system, identify the pain points, and enable the employees involved to problem-solve the system. Sukham is not about blaming or shaming, but rather taking the time to understand the problem in order to empower the solution to be created.

How leaders can identify these qualities and balance them

The best way to balance these seemingly opposed forces, is self-awareness. The best way I've found to develop self-awareness is through the mindfulness practices of stillness, or meditation, and yoga asana. In fact, the third word in the 2.46 sutra is "asanam". This is the only sutra that includes the word "posture" or "seat". The sutra really implies that the pathway to nirvana requires finding a seat or posture that embodies both steadiness and sweet space.

Balancing the duality of these two concepts is also the pathway to great leadership, which Forbes captures well in this article. Self-aware leaders reside in a growth mindset; they are constantly examining their actions and beliefs in order to improve themselves and their productivity.

What many leaders struggle with, however, is what to do with their awareness, or how to bring it into their daily lives. Journaling or reflecting on balancing steadiness and sweetness, like the Inc. article suggests, is a great start. However, too often people set the writing aside and forget about it. It's hard to go from journaling about awareness to implementation of an awareness in one's life.

Demonstrating steadiness and sweet space in Virabhadrasana II

Embodied learning

This is where yoga asana comes in. Yoga asana brings the body into the equation of self-awareness. When we practice yoga asana, we are practicing training our minds to focus on one thing, usually body sensations, as we go through the poses. Our bodies get a "say" in the development of our awareness. Our physical bodies have an innate intelligence to them. After all, our "mind" is a nebulous thing, yet our brain is physical and has characteristics and components to it that react to external stimuli, like light and sound. So, why not bring our actual brain and the rest of our body on board to assist us with our leadership learning?

If your body isn't on board with your mind and emotions, you're not learning. That's my stake in the ground. How I came to this understanding was after experiencing two traumatic brain injuries (TBIs) only 14 months apart from two separate car accidents. Recovering from these injuries was deeply humbling. Yet, I was sent to physical therapists to heal. It made no sense to me at the time. The physical therapists taught me body movements to improve my brain function, and thus, heal my mind. It was truly mind-blowing! (Pun intended, lol!)

A few years after these accidents, I took a training on Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR. This is a now well-studied therapeutic practice to assist traumatized people to resolve their trauma and live productive lives. A traumatic episode can cause a person to become emotionally and/or mentally "stuck" in the trauma. For example, after the second car accident, where I was rear-ended, I realized I was afraid to drive. I experienced a trauma reaction of fear, trembling and sweaty palms, every time I was stopped at a traffic light and saw cars slowing behind me. I knew I was stuck in the trauma of the accident, and I sought help from my therapist. Sure enough, after a few EMDR sessions, I felt ease and relaxation while driving again.

What I learned in the EMDR training is that the technique involves both hemispheres of the brain, which is what makes it so successful. Engaging both brain hemispheres releases the fight/flight response, and allows for the brain to process the trauma with with more completeness. As someone who has experienced EMDR, I can tell you the calmness and relaxation from the treatment is incredible. That doesn't mean I didn't have emotions. Sometimes after doing the technique, I reported back something challenging and I cried. Yet, it was that stuck emotion that was causing the return of the trauma response, so crying allowed for the release of the trauma.

All of this is to say, when we utilize our bodies, especially both sides of the body (meaning each half of the midline), we can process information, emotions, and surprises much better. Our bodies are like a built-in pressure release valve on a pressure cooker. We get our bodies "on board" in our self-awareness journey through yoga asana and meditation. Tai chi is another activity that gives me the same body-awareness and positioning. It also requires deep focus, which gives my mind a break from its usual machinations. The other physical activities that give me a similar experience, are rock climbing and backcountry skiing. With climbing and skiing in the backcountry, I get a full-body physical experience, and also I must focus and stay mentally clear during the activities, or else, well, I could die. Therefore, it's pretty critical to remain mentally focussed. If you can think of others, please leave a note in the comments!

Balancing steadiness and sweet space in tai chi

5 ways to begin balancing sthira and sukham

1) Develop a regular physical practice that includes both steadiness/sweet space

Whether tai chi, yoga, running, or walking, begin a regular physical practice and become aware of the times during this practice where you utilize steadiness, and the times where you utilize sweet space. Focus on the intersection of the two. If it fits within your life, explore what you directly experience with these concepts into a journal. You're not necessarily journaling about the concepts themselves, but rather the concepts as your body experiences them.

2) Utilize this physical practice when you are mentally stuck

When you have hit a mental brick wall around a problem at work, at home, or when a challenging situation comes into your life (a beloved family member contracts cancer, for example), rely on your regular physical practice to help you. Even if you don't believe it will help, or don't understand how it will help, it doesn't matter. It WILL help. When my brother and mother were both diagnosed with brain cancer in the same year, I threw myself into climbing. It was one of the only ways I could cope with the crushing mental and emotional blow of seeing them struggle for their lives. On the rocks, I could completely let go of the past and future, and be totally in the NOW of not falling to my death on the climb. Whether it's adrenaline, endorphins, or some kind of physical-to-brain magic, doesn't matter. It works.

3) Develop a regular stillness practice

Whether you utilize a meditation app, or join a group or class, begin to understand the mechanics of your mind. Our minds often tell us things that are not true. In order to know what is true, we need to know how the mind operates, why it tells us the things it does, and how to identify the pitfalls of untruth. Many people believe the misconception that meditation is about controlling the mind. Instead, meditation is about understanding the mind. For example, in my recent yoga retreat, one of the participants felt the cool air from the window on the back of her neck while we meditated. Her mind told her "Oh! You will get chilled!" However, she allowed that thought to simply pass by. Before she knew it, the meditation time was over, and she was not chilled. In fact, she forgot about the cool air altogether and felt a good body temperature throughout. Our minds developed to alert us of danger, like tigers wanting to kill us on the savanna, or the crack of ice about to break while ice fishing on the tundra. Yet, our minds have not calmed down from this alerting behavior as much as we need them to, in our modern times. Therefore, understanding how our minds work is intricately linked to developing self-awareness.

4) Notice and log sthira and sukham in your life

As you develop your physical activity and stillness practices into habit, begin to pay attention to where you can find steadiness and sweet space in your life. Whether it's relations with your spouse and children, or other friends and loved ones, or when you witness your boss and their success, or lack thereof, utilizing sthira and sukham, take note. Keep a log journal on your phone or by paper, with two columns, one for each concept. Write down instances where you witness one or the other being used well, or not well. To further develop self-awareness, also log your own experiences. When a discussion with an employee had a positive result, log the situation in relation to sthira and sukham. When a team meeting ends in an explosion of emotion, log it in relation to sthira and sukham. Just like your meditation practice, log this without emotion, blame, etc., but rather as an observer looking through a fishbowl at the scene. Take the time you need to process your own emotions first, before creating the log entry.

5) Pause, and draw on your experiences

Once you have built your internal foundation of sthira and sukham, and observed them in your life, begin to bring these concepts into your life. When faced with communicating with an employee, for example, flip back through your log and reflect on your successes with your physical activity and stillness practice. Maybe you're able to meditate for 5 straight minutes with no mind wandering. Maybe you are able to walk the path near your workplace in half the time. How were you able to do that? Apply that finesse to your communication. Apply the successes and failures of sthira and sukham you observed in others in your own team, project, or program management. When faced with tension, negative emotions, and the like, try to pause before responding. Maybe even just take one breath, and see if you can recall what you've learned about yourself and steadiness/sweetness before your respond. Most importantly, now that your body is "on board" of your learning and integration of these concepts, trust yourself. Trust that you have the self-awareness you need to balance steadiness and sweet space in all your affairs.

Start small and remove roadblocks

When exploring these practices, remove all roadblocks to developing these activities into habits. Conventional wisdom says it takes 21 days to make a habit. Science shows it takes about 66 days. Creating physical activity and stillness as a habit, means you must make it really easy to do them every day or multiple times a week. I heard a podcast story once that talked about a working mom with several young kids who wanted to get back into running to improve her resilience and patience. She realized the only time she could run was before her children woke up. She made a deal with her husband to manage the children's breakfast and school prep in the mornings 3 days per week. Then, the night before, she wore her running clothes to bed, and put her running shoes by her bed. There were no excuses or roadblocks to her running when she woke up!

When starting a stillness practice, start with only one minute per day. Popular apps with guided meditation are: Insight Timer, Calm, The Mindfulness App, and Headspace. I have only used Calm, and I liked the format. Find one that works for you. There are also free options on YouTube and the like.

Pick your days and times for physical activity and stillness and put them in your calendar. Unless there is a catastrophic emergency, keep these activities on your calendar as sacrosanct. Bring your walking shoes to work. Maybe begin walking to work. Maybe ride your bike to work. Do whatever you need to do to make these activities easy to access and completely doable. Remove any opportunity for excuses.

Finally, consider joining or starting a group where you can do the physical practice and/or the stillness practice together. Having the support of other people in a group setting helps remove excuses and develop habits. It's also an opportunity to share your experiences with others and learn that many others have the same experience. For example, when first sitting in stillness, my mind was like a pinball bouncing around the bumpers of the machine. This is common when beginning a stillness practice. Having others to share this struggle with, helps eliminate the desire to quit.

If you'd like to go deeper with these concepts in a one-on-one setting, consider booking a private yoga and leadership session with me. We will partner together to craft a program that meets your scheduling needs and promotes success.

Wishing you peace within the duality of sthira and sukham.

Namaste,

Marissa