Embracing Quiet Leadership: Lessons from Jimmy Carter

Last Fall, I was invited onto the board of the Helena Women's Leadership Network. I called the incoming President, who has become a good friend, when I was having a crisis of the heart. She revealed to me that she could tell that I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed by the idea of being her Vice President this year. So, instead, she invited me into the new role of Community Outreach Coordinator, a partnership-building role that is right in my wheelhouse!

I was so deeply touched. In childhood, I was rarely seen and heard for what I brought to the world like that. My self-esteem suffered greatly as a result. It was an incredible example of quiet leadership. The boad president didn't say anything, she just offered me another option, and asked if I would like to try it. I reviewed the materials, and accepted. She didn't tell me why, she didn't berate me for being anxious about the Vice President role that she originally invited me to. She didn't criticize me at all, or roll her eyes to the ceiling because a change was needed. She simply saw me for who I am, a human being that didn't feel comfortable in a role, but would have taken it to support my friend.

Instead, my friend reflected on how to bring strength to the board, how to ensure every board member felt supported. By making sure we were all comfortable, she knew there would be one less obstacle for us to perform well.

I mean, think back to any job you've ever had. Did you ever meet a leader like this? One who had such foresight, or who took such care to build a team? I definitely never had.

Upon reflecting on this incredible gift and example of great leadership being modeled for me, at first I thought, "This is an example of feminine leadership." A few weeks later, former President Jimmy Carter passed away.

I learned more about Jimmy Carter since he passed than I ever had while he was alive. Just that right there is a travesty. President Carter worked tirelessly for human rights, anti-racism, women's rights, and for the overall dignity of human life. He did so humbly, with no need to be in the spotlight. Yet, when he was in the Oval Office, he was reviled, often considered "weak" or not "tough enough".

We do we seem to cling to leaders who act "touch" or display a type of "aggression"?

Then, there's the TikTok ban looking in the US. People are flocking to a very obviously monitored app called RedNote. In this clip from the Daily Show (start at 6:06), viewers are discovering amazing things about life in China.

When given the opportunity, people will naturally love each other. They will be curious. They will embrace differences with others.

Humans are taught to hate, to judge, to exclude. It is in our nature to love.

So, how can we begin to embrace quiet leadership? How can we shift the tides of leader/hero worship that is so prevalent today?

Diverse and colorful team members, smiling.

One way is to learn to love ourselves. One of my favorite Tiktokers, who I will now follow on YouTube, is Alethea Crimmons. She has an incredible way of lifting up our spirits and spreading positivity! (Trigger warning, she cusses sometimes). My corgi, Rudy, injured my knee a few weeks ago. I have been coddling my knee, loving myself, and loving my body more in recent weeks. My years of yoga and meditation practice allows me to become aware and mindful of my body and emotions, so that I can heal. Whether it's yoga or tai chi, or baking, finding that thing that allows you to create self-love is a foundational stepping stone to quiet leadership.

Secondly, it's acting like my friend, the board president, in our everyday lives. When you come across an opportunity to see and hear someone authentically, take it. Instead of rushing in to say something comforting or soothing when a friend is venting to you and distressed, ask them, "Would you like any feedback? Or would you like to just be heard today?" When I asked a friend that the other day, she said she just wanted to be heard. So, I told her, "I hear and acknowledge everything you just said, everything that wasn't said, and everything in your heart." We both began to tear up.

Lastly, begin to bring this into your family and work relationships by shifting your desired outcomes. If you are managing or building a team because you want awards or want to be the best in our organization, examine what that is about for you. Instead, could your satisfaction as a leader be because you have the lowest turnover and the highest satisfaction of all the teams? Or, because your team members give your the best reviews in the annual survey? Or because your team members are loyal to you? trust me when I say, the awards, the improved performance, the increased bottom line - all those traditional "success" metrics will naturally occur when the people who work for you feel seen and heard by you. When your children feel safe enough to screw up and tell you about it, you'll know that you are practicing quiet leadership.

In the Fall Into Peace 2025 retreat, in Amorgos, Greece, we will have a few days to begin integrating a deeper study of the niyamas. (Niyamas are the internal philosophical concepts we use to guide our external actions in the world.) We will explore more thoroughly than last year's retreat, on how to begin bringing these concepts into our daily lives, and how to cultivate quiet leadership that is authentic and true to each one of us.

To learn more about the retreat, attend the informational meeting on January 21st at 6:30pm. if you can't make it, don't worry! It'll be recorded. Click Here for the signup page.

Yours in quiet leadership,

Marissa